Recently, the United States men’s national ice hockey team found themselves in controversy after a locker-room phone call from President Donald Trump. During the call, a joke was made suggesting that he’d “have to” invite the U.S. women’s team as well, as he’d “probably be impeached” if he didn’t.
There was an uproar of laughter, and it seems not a single player spoke up about the misogynistic nature of the joke. The moment was brief, but the reaction sparked public criticism, with many feeling that the laughter signaled dismissal of women athletes’ accomplishments. One player, Jeremy Swayman, later acknowledged that the team could have responded differently.
The incident raises an important question:
What does it look like for men to hold other men accountable, especially in moments framed as “just jokes”?
For many men, especially in competitive or high-pressure environments, laughing along can feel automatic. It preserves group cohesion and avoids awkwardness. It keeps things light.
But “going along” is still participation. “Going along” helps to uphold oppressive systems.
Accountability doesn’t have to mean aggression, public shaming, or irreparable rupture to relationships. It can be simple, grounded, and relational.
Why This Matters
Misogynistic humor often hides behind plausible deniability. “Relax.” “It’s not that serious.” “It’s just locker-room talk.” “You’re a pick-me.”
But jokes reinforce norms and signal what’s acceptable. They communicate who belongs, and who doesn’t.
When no one interrupts the joke, the message lands louder.
For many men, including Asian American men navigating stereotypes about masculinity, power, and belonging, there can be added pressure to fit in. To not rock the boat, to not be the “sensitive one.”
But emotional maturity includes the capacity to tolerate brief discomfort for the sake of integrity and aligning with one’s own personal values.
What Holding Each Other Accountable Can Actually Look Like
Accountability doesn’t always require a speech or a serious sit-down conversation. It can start small.
Here are examples of what men can say in the moment:
- “Hey, let’s not go there.”
- “I don’t know about that one.”
- “We don’t need to put women down to celebrate us.”
- “That’s not really funny.”
- “What do you mean by that?”
Notice that these aren’t attacks. They’re boundaries.
If You Want to Go a Step Further
If the relationship allows, accountability can also happen privately:
- “When you made that joke earlier, it didn’t sit right with me.”
- “I know you probably didn’t mean anything by it, but it came off dismissive.”
- “I think we can do better than that.”
This approach reduces defensiveness and keeps dignity intact, while still naming the impact.
Men’s Accountability Is Protective, Not Punitive
Research consistently shows that rigid masculinity norms (emotional suppression, dominance, avoiding vulnerability, etc.) are linked to higher rates of depression, isolation, and relational distress among men.
When men challenge each other with respect, they’re not weakening masculinity. Rather, they’re expanding it.
They’re modeling:
- Emotional awareness
- Social courage
- Respect for women as peers
- Integrity over approval
- Authenticity
That kind of masculinity is protective for not only partners, families, and communities, but also for men themselves.
A Reflection for Men
- When was the last time you laughed along with something that didn’t fully sit right?
- What stopped you from speaking up?
- What would it cost you to say something small next time?
- What might it protect?
Cultural change rarely happens through grand gestures. It happens in the small moments whether it be in locker rooms, group chats, workplaces, or family dinners.
“It’s just a joke” is a defensive shield, but it is also an opportunity for shared growth, accountability, and leadership.
Seek An Individual Therapist at Yellow Chair Collective in Los Angeles or New York
If you are seeking therapy specifically tailored to your needs, consider reaching out to the therapists at Yellow Chair Collective. We understand that there may be unique contextual factors that may influence your experiences.
At our Los Angeles, CA, and New York City, NY-based therapy practice, we have many skilled, trauma-informed, and culturally sensitive therapists who can provide an empowering therapeutic experience. For your added convenience and simplicity, we offer online therapy for anyone in the state of California or New York. We know that navigating your mental health journey can be challenging, and we want to support you along the way. Follow the steps below to begin.
- Fill out the contact form to get connected with us.
- Get matched with one of our culturally sensitive therapists.
- Start the next step in your healing journey today.
Other Services at Yellow Chair Collective
There are many options for treatment using online therapy in California and New York, it just depends on what you’re needing. And while we certainly service Asian American folks, we also work with individuals from other cultures, too. So, whether you’re needing support in overcoming anxiety, burnout, trauma, or PTSD, we can help. Likewise, we serve teens and couples in need of support, too. So when you start online therapy with us, you can bring your whole self, including past struggles, cultural impacts, and more.
