In her essential book on writing and life, Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott introduces a concept that many consider vital for recovering from perfectionism: “shitty first drafts.” Lamott explains that nearly all good writing begins as something deeply imperfect. You have to start somewhere. You have to get it down on paper. “The first draft is the child’s draft,” she writes—one where everything is allowed to spill out freely, knowing no one else will see it and that it can be shaped later.
The perfectionist, however, demands that the first draft resemble the final, polished manuscript. They want to skip the messy, awkward, incoherent middle of creation. They want to enter the process at the finish line.
This paralysis is familiar to many. Countless people have sat frozen before a blinking cursor, afraid to write a single sentence unless it is the best possible one. The perfectionist mind becomes a tyrannical internal editor, criticizing the work before it even exists. It strangles creativity in its infancy.
This pattern extends far beyond writing. It shows up in relationships, new hobbies, career changes—anything that requires growth.
Growth, by definition, is messy. It requires incompetence before competence. It involves stumbling, uncertainty, and not knowing what you’re doing.
When perfectionism takes hold, the feeling of incompetence becomes intolerable. The awkwardness of learning is mistaken for a character flaw. The thought becomes: If I can’t do this perfectly right away, I must not be cut out for it.
Unlearning this mindset requires a willingness to tolerate the discomfort of life’s “bad first draft” phase.
It means allowing yourself to be a beginner. It means accepting that early attempts at setting boundaries will feel clumsy, that the first months of a new job will feel overwhelming, that an initial attempt at painting may look like mud.
This is not evidence of failure—it is evidence of process.
The antidote to perfectionism is self-compassion. It is treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a small child learning to walk. No one scolds a one-year-old for falling; they celebrate the moment the child stands.
To grow, we must be willing to be bad at things before we become good at them. We must release the demand for instant mastery. When the tyrannical editor is quieted and permission is given to produce a messy first draft, something shifts. Life stops being something to perfect—and starts being something to live.
Seek An Individual Therapist at Yellow Chair Collective in Los Angeles or New York
If you are seeking therapy specifically tailored to your needs, consider reaching out to the therapists at Yellow Chair Collective. We understand that there may be unique contextual factors that may influence your experiences.
At our Los Angeles, CA, and New York City, NY-based therapy practice, we have many skilled, trauma-informed, and culturally sensitive therapists who can provide an empowering therapeutic experience. For your added convenience and simplicity, we offer online therapy for anyone in the state of California or New York. We know that navigating your mental health journey can be challenging, and we want to support you along the way. Follow the steps below to begin.
- Fill out the contact form to get connected with us.
- Get matched with one of our culturally sensitive therapists.
- Start the next step in your healing journey today.
Other Services at Yellow Chair Collective
There are many options for treatment using online therapy in California and New York, it just depends on what you’re needing. And while we certainly service Asian American folks, we also work with individuals from other cultures, too. So, whether you’re needing support in overcoming anxiety, burnout, trauma, or PTSD, we can help. Likewise, we serve teens and couples in need of support, too. So when you start online therapy with us, you can bring your whole self, including past struggles, cultural impacts, and more.
