In her essential book on writing and life, Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott introduces a concept that many consider vital for recovering from perfectionism: “shitty first drafts.” Lamott explains that nearly all good writing begins as something deeply imperfect. You have to start somewhere. You have to get it down
For many children of immigrants, growing up involved an unspoken contract: our parents sacrificed everything—their homeland, their comfort, their language—so that we could succeed. Our role in this contract is to be grateful, hardworking, and, above all, okay. To struggle with mental health, to experience depression or paralyzing anxiety, feels
The start of a new year often comes with expectations to improve, achieve, or correct something about ourselves. For many Asian Americans, these expectations can feel especially heavy. Cultural messages about discipline, success, family obligation, and perseverance may make New Year’s resolutions feel less like inspiration and more like pressure.
Saying no without guilt, and yes to your own life There’s something sacred about beginning together with a moment of stillness.Before we talk about burnout or boundaries or becoming, let’s slow down enough to notice ourselves. Feel your feet against the ground.Feel the weight of your breath — the rise,
Somewhere along the way, you became more than a sibling. You became a stand-in parent. You learned to tie shoes and braid hair before you learned what it meant to rest. You fed, bathed, soothed, corrected — all while still trying to grow up yourself. You weren’t given the chance
There’s a kind of love that asks you to stay small.To be the good one. The strong one. The quiet one who never makes trouble. For many eldest daughters in collectivist families, this love is sacred — it’s the heartbeat of belonging. It’s also the birthplace of exhaustion.In collectivist cultures,
There’s a certain kind of person who carries the world quietly on her shoulders.She learned early that love was earned through usefulness.That her worth was measured by how much she could hold without breaking.And that to need less was to be loved more. Many eldest daughters of immigrant families were
Understanding Why You Were Given (or Took On) So Much For so many eldest daughters of immigrant families, responsibility didn’t arrive with a ceremony. It wasn’t given like a gift; it crept in quietly, folded into the corners of everyday life. You learned to bridge two worlds: the language of
Defining the Eldest Daughter Experience When we talk about the eldest daughter, we usually mean the first-born girl. But often, the realities are more complex. The mantle of “eldest-ness” may shift (or be placed on someone) not always by birth, but by burden, by culture, by necessity. This broader understanding
Let’s talk about something uncomfortable: the fetishization of Asian women. On the surface, it can look like a compliment – being called “exotic,” being told we’re “more attractive” than other women, being the “preference.” But if you scratch beneath that surface, you find a history that’s anything but flattering. It’s
