How to Support and Parent ADHD Teens

Do you have a teenager that struggles with inattention, concentration, or focus? Do they have a hard time remembering things and staying organized? Are they always feeling restless or on the go, sometimes acting impulsively? Do you feel like you are living with a ticking emotional bomb in your house when your teen is around? Is your teen struggling to finish their homework, easily bored and/or procrastinating their school assignments? If you answered yes to most of the questions above, you may very well be raising a teen struggling with ADHD. 

Let’s be real, parenting any teenager is no walk in the park and often marks a tumultuous and stressful stage for the whole family. You are often dealing with a rollercoaster of emotions and a push for independence/autonomy as your child gets ready to leave the home in their early adulthood years. In families where one child has symptoms of ADHD, oftentimes at least one parent in the family also has ADHD. This makes for a unique dynamic that presents particular challenges and growth for both the teen and the parent. 

What makes parenting a teen with ADHD different?

Teens with ADHD experience the typical urges for independence and self-discovery, but their impulsivity, inattention, and aspects of delayed maturity may put additional stress on the parenting experience. This is because the ADHD brain affects overall executive functioning abilities such as self-management skills, decision making, time management, and emotional regulation. Your major parenting challenge is striking a balance between facilitating your teen’s growing autonomy while providing the necessary support to help them through their unique executive functioning difficulties. 

If you do not have ADHD yourself as a parent, you may feel: 

1. More stressed out (emotionally and mentally) that you cannot take on a more relaxed style of parenting compared to other parents of neurotypical teens
2. The need to be more involved in your teen’s life in areas you expect them to already have a grasp on, such as continuing to monitor homework and time management 
3. The need to continue providing a consistent structure and routine to help your teen function daily
4. That traditional parenting approaches don’t work for your teen or even seem to make things worse 
5. Angry or even resentful at your teen for not “getting it” as well as you do
6. Your teen has lower self esteem compared to their peers and needs more encouragement, patience, and support
7. You have to work harder to understand and empathize with your ADHD teen 

If you struggle with ADHD yourself as a parent, you may feel: 

1. It is difficult to respond calmly and consistently to your child’s needs and behaviors because you have difficulty with emotional dysregulation yourself
2. Challenged trying to manage household and school-related logistics, schedules, and routines effectively with your teen 
3. You have a hard time staying engaged and focused during activities with your teen or when monitoring their safety 
4. You have a hard time enforcing consistent discipline or may be prone to overreacting to your teen’s behaviors; this may be due to difficulty remembering and following through on commitments or instructions
5. Exhausted from managing your own ADHD symptoms while parenting, leading to higher stress levels and potential burnout 

So what can you do to effectively parent a teen with ADHD?

Given the unique nature of the ADHD family (a neurodiverse system where one or more family members may have ADHD), here are a few tips that may be helpful to you as the parent. 

1. Be strategic with your teen: 

• Identify and encourage activities that your teen finds highly rewarding or interesting 
• Structure home routines so that high interest tasks are placed after the completion of less engaging responsibilities 

2. Build autonomy and self esteem: 

• Adjust your expectations and implement a “baby steps” progress map where small steps towards goals are recognized and celebrated 
• Assign special responsibilities that you know your teen is interested in and can accomplish 

3. Shift your parental perspective: 

• For the non-ADHD parent, educating yourself on the impacts of ADHD and developing compassion and understanding for the teen’s struggles
• For the ADHD parent, you have an opportunity to learn and grow with your teen to manage both of your ADHD tendencies
• Recognize and manage your own emotional triggers; attending your own therapy sessions to help develop insight 
• Adopt a more proactive parenting strategy vs. a reactive one: for example, setting up structures and routines to promote their success instead of reprimanding them for failing to do something 

4. Take care of yourself: 

• Practice self compassion and recognize you are in a very challenging phase of parenting 
• Take breaks and get perspective often 
• Gather resources as well as a support team who understands what it’s like to parent a child with ADHD 

Supporting and parenting a teen who struggles with ADHD can be hard work! You’re doing better than you think. 

Regardless of if you have ADHD yourself as a parent, you will need more patience, empathy, and flexibility to adapt sometimes not-so-traditional parenting approaches to find the best way forward for your family. By creating a supportive environment where your teen feels seen, understood, and supported while also giving them enough structure to develop independence, your teen will be able to successfully navigate the tricky years of adolescence. 

Sources:

Parenting Teenagers with ADHD
Four Tips for Parenting a Teen with ADHD
Dear Parents: You are the Solution…
Raising Our Teens with ADHD: Take a Deep Breath
How to Empower a Teen with ADHD

Seek An ADHD Therapist in Los Angeles, CA, or New York at Yellow Chair Collective

If you are seeking therapy specifically tailored to your needs, consider reaching out to the culturally sensitive therapists at Yellow Chair Collective. We understand that different parts of our identities can show up in different parts of our lives, and that it can make navigating relationships difficult. We understand that there may be unique cultural and contextual factors that may influence your experiences.

At our Los Angeles, CA, and New York City, NY-based therapy practice, we have many skilled, culturally sensitive therapists who can provide an empowering therapeutic experience. For your added convenience and simplicity, we offer online therapy for anyone in the state of California or New York. We know that parenting an ADHD teen or living with ADHD yourself can be challenging, and we want to support you on your journey. Follow the steps below to begin.

• Fill out the contact form to get connected with us.
• Get matched with one of our culturally-sensitive therapists.
• Start feeling empowered in yourself and your parenting journey.

Other Services at Yellow Chair Collective

There are many options for treatment using online therapy in California and New York, it just depends on what you’re needing. And while we certainly service Asian American folks, we also work with individuals from other cultures, too. So, whether you’re needing support in overcoming anxiety, burnout, trauma, or PTSD, we can help. Likewise, we serve teens and couples in need of support, too. When you start online therapy with us, you can bring your whole self, including past struggles, cultural impacts, and more.