As members of the AAPI (Asian American and Pacific Islander) community, many of us have experienced moments that felt off – a comment, a joke, a question – that left us unsettled. But when we try to explain it, we’re often met with confusion or dismissal: “It was just a compliment,” or “You’re being too sensitive.” These moments are often microaggressions – subtle, indirect, or unintentional expressions of bias that, over time, can have deep emotional and psychological effects.
What are Microaggressions?
Microaggressions are everyday slights or snubs – often delivered casually -that target marginalized groups. They may not come with overt hostility, which makes them harder to recognize and more difficult to confront. For the AAPI community, these can manifest in ways that reflect cultural stereotypes, xenophobia, or even misplaced admiration.
Here are some common examples AAPI individuals might hear:
- “Where are you really from?”
- “You speak English so well!”
- “You’re Asian – do you know John Kim?”
- “You don’t act like other Asians.”
- “Can you teach me how to use chopsticks?”
While seemingly benign, these comments reinforce the idea that AAPI individuals are outsiders or monolithic – not truly American, not truly diverse.
Why Microaggressions are Difficult to Spot
- They’re Often Disguised as Compliments: “You look so exotic” may be intended as a compliment, but it reduces a person’s identity to a stereotype.
- They Can Be Unintentional: Many people delivering microaggressions don’t realize they’re being offensive, which can make the recipient feel gaslit or unsure about how to respond.
- We’re Conditioned to Shrug Them Off: In many AAPI cultures, conflict avoidance and humility are encouraged. This can make it difficult to call out problematic behavior.
- They Accumulate Over Time: One instance might be tolerable, but repeated microaggressions can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and feelings of alienation.
How to Handle Microaggressions
There’s no one-size-fits-all response, and how you choose to respond depends on your comfort, safety, and the context. Here are some strategies:
1. Trust Your Gut:
If something feels wrong, it probably is. You don’t need someone else’s validation to recognize a microaggression. Naming the experience is the first step to reclaiming your sense of agency.
2. Call It Out (If You Can)
If you feel safe, address the comment directly and calmly:
- “What did you mean by that?”
- “That comment made me uncomfortable because it reinforces a stereotype.”
- “I know you didn’t mean harm, but that came across as dismissive.”
This approach can open dialogue rather than shut it down, especially when confronting friends, coworkers, or classmates.
3. Use Humor or Redirection
Sometimes, humor can be a disarming way to point out the issue:
- “Wow, I didn’t realize my math skills came with my last name.”
- “I’ll teach you chopsticks if you teach me how to use a fork.”
This method keeps the conversation light while still making your point.
4. Document and Reflect
If you’re in a workplace or academic setting, keeping a record can help if the issue escalates. Journaling your feelings can also help you process the experience and understand patterns.
5. Find Community
You’re not alone. Talking to others in the AAPI community – whether friends, family, or affinity groups – can help validate your experiences and remind you that your voice matters.
6. Seek Support
If microaggressions are affecting your mental health, speaking with a therapist – especially one with cultural competence – can help you unpack those feelings and build resilience.
Moving Forward
Microaggressions may be subtle, but their impact is real. Over time, they can chip away at your sense of belonging and self-worth. That’s why healing must be part of the conversation – not just calling out the behavior, but also tending to your emotional and mental well-being.
Investing in your mental health – whether that means therapy, mindfulness, journaling, or rest – is a radical and necessary act of self-care. For AAPI individuals, this also means breaking through cultural barriers that may have told us to endure in silence. Your emotions are valid. You deserve support.
By learning to recognize microaggressions and choosing how to respond in a way that protects both your voice and your peace, you contribute to a culture that values respect, inclusion, and empathy. Let’s continue to uplift one another, normalize mental health care in our communities, and speak our truths — with clarity, with courage, and with compassion.
Seek An Individual Therapist at Yellow Chair Collective in Los Angeles or New York
If you are seeking therapy specifically tailored to your needs, consider reaching out to the therapists at Yellow Chair Collective. We understand that there may be unique contextual factors that may influence your experiences.
At our Los Angeles, CA, and New York City, NY-based therapy practice, we have many skilled, trauma-informed, and culturally sensitive therapists who can provide an empowering therapeutic experience. For your added convenience and simplicity, we offer online therapy for anyone in the state of California or New York. We know that navigating your mental health journey can be challenging, and we want to support you along the way. Follow the steps below to begin.
- Fill out the contact form to get connected with us.
- Get matched with one of our culturally sensitive therapists.
- Start the next step in your healing journey today.
Other Services at Yellow Chair Collective
There are many options for treatment using online therapy in California and New York, it just depends on what you’re needing. And while we certainly service Asian American folks, we also work with individuals from other cultures, too. So, whether you’re needing support in overcoming anxiety, burnout, trauma, or PTSD, we can help. Likewise, we serve teens and couples in need of support, too. So when you start online therapy with us, you can bring your whole self, including past struggles, cultural impacts, and more.
