If you’re navigating recovery from disordered eating, you might find yourself stuck in a confusing in-between space—wanting to change, but also not wanting to let go. This is ambivalence, and it’s a completely normal (and often frustrating) part of the recovery process.
Ambivalence sounds like:
“I want to feel free around food, but I’m scared of gaining weight.”
“I know this isn’t sustainable, but I’m not sure I’m ready to give it up.”
“Part of me wants to get better, but part of me still needs this.”
It can feel like being pulled in two directions at once. You might even judge yourself for feeling torn, wondering: Shouldn’t I want recovery more? But the truth is, ambivalence doesn’t mean you’re failing at recovery—it means you’re in it.
Why Ambivalence Happens
Disordered eating, even when harmful, often develops as a way to cope—with overwhelming emotions, trauma, anxiety, or a desire for control and identity. It can offer a sense of safety, structure, or self-worth, even as it also causes pain and disconnection. So it makes sense that part of you may feel reluctant to let it go.
In many cases, disordered eating serves both protective and destructive roles. This complexity can make recovery feel threatening, even when you deeply desire freedom.
Understanding the Function
To begin working through ambivalence, it can be helpful to explore what disordered eating has meant to you. Ask yourself:
- What has this behavior given me?
- What do I fear will happen if I stop?
- What do I wish I could have instead—without needing to harm myself?
By understanding the emotional function of disordered eating, you can begin to identify the needs underneath it—and eventually, find more sustainable and compassionate ways to meet those needs.
Building Motivation: It’s Not All-or-Nothing
When you’re feeling stuck in ambivalence, motivation can feel like something you either have or don’t. But motivation is something you can grow. One way to do this is by tapping into both sides of your ambivalence—not just the part of you that wants recovery, but also the part that resists it. Instead of silencing that resistant part, get curious about it. That part likely holds important fears or longings that need to be acknowledged before it can soften.
Try asking yourself:
- What do I hope recovery will give me?
- What am I afraid recovery will take away?
- What would it feel like to move one step closer—not all the way, but just one step?
Motivation builds through action, not just waiting for the perfect moment. Small steps—like speaking with a therapist, being honest with a friend, or challenging one food rule—can strengthen your sense of possibility and agency.
Honoring the Gray Area
It’s important to release the idea that you have to feel 100% ready to begin recovery. Most people don’t. You can feel scared and still choose recovery. You can feel unsure and still take action. Ambivalence isn’t a sign you aren’t ready—it’s part of getting ready.
One of the most healing things you can do is to stop fighting your ambivalence and start listening to it. Let it be part of the process, not a barrier to it.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If you’re feeling stuck between the desire for recovery and the fear of what it might bring, you’re not broken—you’re human. Recovery is not a straight line, and there’s no shame in moving slowly or needing support along the way.
At Yellow Chair Collective, we understand the complexity of disordered eating recovery, especially for those navigating cultural, familial, and generational layers. Whether you’re just starting or deep in the work, you deserve compassion, clarity, and community on your journey. If you’re interested in learning more, check out our Finding Freedom with Food: APISA Disordered Eating Support group!
You don’t need to feel 100% ready to start—you just need to feel 1% willing. And we’ll meet you there.
Seek An Individual Therapist at Yellow Chair Collective in Los Angeles or New York
If you are seeking therapy specifically tailored to your needs, consider reaching out to the therapists at Yellow Chair Collective. We understand that there may be unique contextual factors that may influence your experiences.
At our Los Angeles, CA, and New York City, NY-based therapy practice, we have many skilled, trauma-informed, and culturally sensitive therapists who can provide an empowering therapeutic experience. For your added convenience and simplicity, we offer online therapy for anyone in the state of California or New York. We know that navigating your mental health journey can be challenging, and we want to support you along the way. Follow the steps below to begin.
- Fill out the contact form to get connected with us.
- Get matched with one of our culturally sensitive therapists.
- Start the next step in your healing journey today.
Other Services at Yellow Chair Collective
There are many options for treatment using online therapy in California and New York, it just depends on what you’re needing. And while we certainly service Asian American folks, we also work with individuals from other cultures, too. So, whether you’re needing support in overcoming anxiety, burnout, trauma, or PTSD, we can help. Likewise, we serve teens and couples in need of support, too. So when you start online therapy with us, you can bring your whole self, including past struggles, cultural impacts, and more.
