When one generation has experienced major historical events such as war, genocide, slavery, colonization, systemic oppression or personal traumas such as migration, abuse, neglect, or poverty, its impacts can be felt in subsequent generations even if that generation has no direct experience of these events. Intergenerational trauma can manifest in many ways for an individual, one of most obvious ways is through mental health or physical health issues. In other words, if you experience depression, anxiety, PTSD, low self-esteem, difficulty regulating your emotions, relational problems, or physical/psychosomatic symptoms, it may be due to the effects of trauma that your ancestors have experienced in the past.
Intergenerational trauma is often passed down through learned behaviors and parenting styles, family dynamics, and even biologically through epigenetic changes in the body. When families have experienced trauma, it can sadly affect parenting skills, communication patterns, boundary development, and overall family functioning across generations.
For example, if one of your parents lost his/her parents to a war, then you may inherit the pain of that trauma passed down to you in psychological and physical ways. Growing up without parents is deeply traumatic to young children and various defensive mechanisms could have served to help your parent cope with the stress of growing up as an orphan. They may have developed a personality disorder or destructive forms of coping with their pain that impact their relationship with you today. Maybe they are unable to connect with you because they are completely out of touch with their own emotions or have learned to dissociate. Maybe your parent learned to cope with their distress through addictions or violence. You may find yourself now, as an adult, wrestling with similar patterns of behaviors from a trauma you never directly experienced.
The Relationship Between Intergenerational Trauma & Boundaries
Where there is evidence of intergenerational trauma in the family, oftentimes there will also be violations of boundaries that negatively impact healthy boundary development in subsequent generations. This is because trauma itself is boundary-violating, where a person’s sense of safety and comfort are disregarded or breached. Trauma happens to us when our mental, physical, social, emotional, and spiritual being has been violated in events we perceive as inescapable. It can be tied to one time events such as the loss of a loved one, or ongoing violations such as persistent emotional abuse. Intergenerational trauma can affect boundary development in different ways for different families. Our unique trauma informs how we learn to interact with our family and with the outside world. So if intergenerational trauma affects your family, you may very likely struggle with healthy boundaries because the boundary violation experienced by your ancestors will likely be passed down to you as well.
An example of how this might happen is in the case of someone who grew up in a domestically violent home, where one of the parents was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive to other members of the household. Chances are, your parent may have also been raised in a domestically violent home with your grandparents. Because your own physical and emotional boundaries have been violated (you were traumatized) in this family environment, you may consequently learn maladaptive ways of regulating and expressing your own anger in the future. For instance, you may find yourself behaving in similarly violent ways with your own life partner and children because your understanding of physical and emotional boundaries came from witnessing unhealthy modeling at home. This transmission of emotional coping and boundary violation is common with intergenerational trauma. Trauma can make it difficult to determine what is an appropriate or healthy boundary, especially for Asian Americans who must navigate a western, individualist view of boundaries within Asian American households.
What can we do to heal intergenerational trauma?
In our book, Where I Belong, Soo Jin and Linda write that “healing intergenerational trauma is a long complex process”. You will likely need to work with a therapist to unpack core beliefs from your trauma and process the pain that is stored in your body. For Asian Americans, one of the first steps to this healing involves setting new boundaries with our parents in order to create space needed to begin healing work. This can often feel uncomfortable and be perceived as disappointing to our families, bringing up feelings of guilt and shame because of our collectivist values. Working with a therapist through this process can help you navigate new boundaries with your family as you work on healing your trauma.
7 Steps to Heal Your Own Trauma:
- Identify the specific ways that trauma has been passed down to you in your family
- Evaluate how this trauma affects your boundaries, relationships and mental health
- Develop appropriate boundaries with your family to begin processing your own emotions and create space for healing
- Start building a relationship with your body by practicing mindfulness, turning inward, and recognizing your feelings & triggers
- Verbalize your “learned beliefs” in response to your trauma (common learned beliefs might be “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not safe”, “I’m powerless” or “I am not worthy of love”)
- Practice self-compassion and loving-kindness
- Develop alternative beliefs about yourself, practice new emotional coping strategies, set new boundaries
While talk therapy can be helpful to understand your past history, sometimes clients can benefit more from body-based therapy modalities that help to access the mind-body experience as it relates to releasing stored trauma in the body. These modalities include yoga, meditation, mindfulness, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, and art therapy among others. You can speak to our team here to find the best format of therapy for your situation. Ultimately, healing intergenerational trauma is no small endeavor, so be patient and gentle with yourself. It takes time but you will get there one day.
Seek An Asian American Therapist at Yellow Chair Collective in Los Angeles or New York
If you are seeking therapy specifically tailored to your needs, consider reaching out to the culturally sensitive therapists at Yellow Chair Collective. We understand that there may be unique cultural and contextual factors that may influence your experiences.
At our Los Angeles, CA, and New York City, NY-based therapy practice, we have many skilled, culturally sensitive therapists who can provide an empowering therapeutic experience. For your added convenience and simplicity, we offer online therapy for anyone in the state of California or New York. We know that processing intergenerational trauma can be challenging, and we want to support you on your journey. Follow the steps below to begin.
- Fill out the contact form to get connected with us.
- Get matched with one of our culturally-sensitive therapists.
- Start the next step in your healing journey.
Other Services at Yellow Chair Collective
There are many options for treatment using online therapy in California and New York, it just depends on what you’re needing. And while we certainly service Asian American folks, we also work with individuals from other cultures, too. So, whether you’re needing support in overcoming anxiety, burnout, trauma, or PTSD, we can help. Likewise, we serve teens and couples in need of support, too. So when you start online therapy with us, you can bring your whole self, including past struggles, cultural impacts, and more.
